That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
