Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
