moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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