he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
