new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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