I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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