U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
