It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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