I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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