HIV tests are more positive than that guy
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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