Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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