you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
