Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
