I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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