YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
