i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
it glows. i had to have it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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