So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
