Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think your dad took our porno
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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