It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
