Sry I called you an 8
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
