White coat. Heels.
too bad you live with your parents still
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
