Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
