he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
