yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
