I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
