she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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