strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
