Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
