**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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