By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
