Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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