that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
