So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
