things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
