Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
