I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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