but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
