pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
