she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
