So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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