Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
