Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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