I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
