Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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