The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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