Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
