I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
