did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
