Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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