no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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