I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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