just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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