My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
