We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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