Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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