So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
