ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
