WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
