Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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