I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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