Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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