apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How's work?
Spinning.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
