did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
