dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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