Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
